Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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