we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
