Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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