so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
