my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
