I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I didn't notice because vodka
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
