super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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