So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
