At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I touched a dick in church today
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
