You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize