i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
