I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
