all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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