i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I pour the whiskey from now on
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
