you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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