You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
