I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
