So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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