I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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