I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
