You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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