now i know why i became what i already was.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will pee on everything he values.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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