"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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