If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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