What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
