I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
