That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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