Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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