People in love make me want to vomit
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
