i was born a porn star she said
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just high enough for therapy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
