And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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