Pappa wants mamma naked
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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