Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
