where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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