didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize