His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I intend to get homeless drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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