True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
