Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Alive.
So much puke
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
