Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
