K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drunk is not a location!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
