I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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