shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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