Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
