Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
