hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
