at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
