I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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