The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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