mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
