she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
