Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
