hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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