I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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