If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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