The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
