I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
