When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
