it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
