oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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