Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
