I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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