even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
