Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
