Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
