the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
