Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
