The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
