I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize