we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
