I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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