Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
