I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
