We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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