I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
