fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
